I was about 16 when I was diagnosed with depression,
my doctors think that it stemmed from my parents divorcing and struggling with school really.
It all started when my father died when I was at high school.
It all started in university during my final year.
It all started when I was 16, I came out of a relationship I was in at the time and I
started purging and self-harming. I first realised I had a mental health problem
when I was 15. I was cutting myself every day and crying all the time.
Soon after the attack happened I started to feel throes of anxiety, panic attacks started
creeping in. I first realised that I had a problem when
I really wanted to stop all the things I was doing but I just couldn’t seem to stop no
matter how badly I wanted to. I was suffering from hallucinations which
at the time were really scary because I didn’t know what was reality and what was my imagination.
At my worst I felt like I was absolutely worthless, alienating and destructive with no help of
recovery. I felt like I had this black cloud hanging
constantly over my head and it’s just a feeling that stays with you and you can’t
seem to get away from it all and you feel completely alone.
I felt like this was going to be it forever. I felt as though I’d never reach any of
my ambitions or my goals. I felt like I was in my own bubble hearing
muffled voices of people around me. When I had my first mental break, proper mental
breakdown and I decided to run away from home. I felt like the world will be better off without
me. My mental health problem means that I go through
many highs and lows which I struggle to control. Sometimes I just want to hide away.
I feel that I have to my make everyone else happy and every day is a struggle but I just
remind myself that I’m strong. My mental health problem means that sometimes
the world can be a very scary, very dangerous and very dark place.
Everyday tasks can become the most mammoth missions that seem like you’re never going
to be able to do them. My mental health problem means that a life
is hard. The hardest thing about having a mental health
problem is people not realising that there’s something wrong with you and that you can
be really ill even if you look absolutely fine. I think especially having an eating
disorder people assume that you’re going to look a certain way or be a certain size
or shape or you know they imagine certain stereotypes that aren’t necessarily true.
Like the social and in my case like the cultural stigma associated with it.
If I’m having a bad day, no matter how small it is, it feels like the whole world is crashing
in on me and things just keep getting worse. Just trying to get the people around me to
understand what I’m going through when they haven’t gone through something like me is
probably the hardest thing. Social situations in particular can be really
difficult. I sometimes can’t commit to what we’d call sort of normal everyday activities.
The word schizo, I think it has a lot stigma attached to it, I really don’t like it.
What really reassured me was knowing that there are so many other people out there who
have got the same diagnosis as me and that I’m not alone.
Having my two rescue dogs to look after and to take care of because I know that they need
me around and they always happy to see me, so no matter how bad my days is how awful
everything seems to be, I know that they need me and they always make me smile.
Having such a great network of friends, family and people who are out there who can help.
I’d look at how far I’ve come and everything that I’d gone through and realise that I
am still standing. It really helps me when my friends treat me
the way they did six years ago before this all started. I was the happy laidback person
and that’s the person I want to be and aspire to be again.
It really helps me when people just treat me normally.
I’d like people to treat. To treat me like, like you would your own mother I guess. That’s,
yes, I think that’s a good way to treat people.
I don’t want people to tiptoe around me. I’d like people to treat me like any other
normal person but also just to be a bit more sensitive around me, not to, pre-stigmatise
depression and everything and telling me to cheer up and everything.
I wish I’d known how much I was going to grow and learn as grew up and grow older.
I wish I’d known how much therapy was going to help me and how much I was going to gain
from that. And I wish I’d known that it was possible to meet people who would love
me for all of me, including my mental illness. That I didn’t have to feel so alone and
that there was a lot of support out there. That there are people out there and organisations
that can help me. I don’t regret having mental health problems
because it has made me who I am today. I wish I’d known just how supportive people
can be once you tell them what you’re going through.
People are accepting, they’re not going to walk down the street and cry, you mental
case, they’re not going to, you know, they’re not going to do anything like that, everyone’s
incredibly understanding and if they’re not, bleep them.
So the best piece of advice I’d have to give would be just getting over that initial
fear of coming out to people about your condition because once you talk about it, it really
does help. Best piece of advice I ever got was just focus
on today. Because you can’t change what’s happened in the past and there’s honestly
no real way of predicting what’s going to happen in the future.
I know it’s hard but be yourself and be brave and you will recover.
Take each day as it comes and even if that’s too much break it right down to just five
minutes at a time, I find that that really helps.
Just ask for help, just make that step and ask anybody, you know and they will be supportive
for you. Everybody has scars, some people have them
in the mind and some people have them on legs, like I do.
Just basically be yourself, that’s simple enough in what might be a bit cliché but
I guess it’s true. It’s okay to be mental and that most people
are just not in the same way as you but there are ways to get help.
Even if you think that things can’t get better, that you tried so many times and you’ve
kind of, you fed up and you’ve had enough of trying, things really can and you can get
better and you can recover. So, don’t give up on yourself.

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Methew Wade

22 thoughts on “Mental Health: In Our Own Words”

  1. Hey, Im a spoken word artist. I created a piece shedding light on resiliency and strength. Mental health is important and individuals feeling alone and weak I just want to let you know you are strong and you can make it. ❤
    I would appreciate it if you listened to it and left your feedback!

  2. I have depression , panic or I would call them terror attacks and ADD . I feel horrible saying this but I must say it . If you seek help you will be stigmatized for the rest of your life . I am 61 . I was about 32 when dx . I had a husband and eventually 3 children . Without going into detail my husband left the family only to show up about 1 1/2 years latter . I have been living in hell ever since . My mental heath and my psychiatric records have been open for the world to read . My ex husband for years has been trying via court ect . to take my children . My mental heath has always been his excuse . Be very careful . I never dreamed I would be living in hell . The world can be a dark place with people who have no soul .

  3. I think people don’t want to listen to people who have mental health problems because there are too many people who have depression, anxiety, schizophrenia I myself have battle with depression and anxiety since I was a very young child. I also have seen my mother suffer with schizophrenia and for me, my dad my sister and young brother i must say it’s has been one of the most hardest times of my life that my sister and I had to look after ourselves and 6 year old brother( I was 11 and my sister was 13) we couldn’t go out like normal kids. My dad took the most of it he was accused of cheating on my mum with a woman called philipa who she thought he had seven kid to. She also nearly lost my dad his job as she was knocking on the doors people who were staying where my dad worked (he was a head chef and we lived in a top floor flat in the staff quarters) she thought people were poisoning her, she would knock on random doors and accuse them of sleep with my dad. She also thought she was a radio at one point. In the end she came into my bedroom crying saying she has to leave and will be back she packed a few things and left by the time my dad got home she had gone. She got a taxi 20 miles to a seaside town gave the taxi driver £110 and walked 15 miles bare footed through fields in the dark to my great aunties house who went mad at my dad for letting her leave. My mam has had three nervous breakdowns two due to not wanting to take her Medication. In the end my mam and dad got a divorce and I lived with my mam while my other siblings lived with my dad we also found out she has 6 different personality’s if I we knew what was happening then we would have done things different I wish the government would teach young people to go and get help and support and teach people not to think negative about having mental health problems

  4. Very positive video. Hope this helps many people. My channel itself exists for mental health awareness, and I’m creating videos for just that. Love and peace to all. We are here, YOU are not alone. 💕

  5. I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my YouTube channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates. 💙❤

  6. There is cure for mental illness, sometimes you are talking to ur Dr and they don't understand. Thing is sometimes some drugs may not work but after taking another drug u can come back to try the first one and it can work. And your Dr matters too because some drug combinations have severe side effect. But you should be able to get good drugs within a year.

  7. here's a message to every kid who is struggling, looking for answers, and who finds themselves scrolling through the comments for help and reassurance. i see you. i am 18 years old and i have had anxiety and and a sensory disorder my whole life. i have been battling depression on and off since i was 13, and my battle still goes on to this day. yesterday i spent some time with my school counsellor talking about my rough start to the day. we eventually decided to call my mom together and let her know that i have been struggling with suicidal ideation again. five years ago if i had needed to tell my mom this, she would have been angry, disappointed, and embarrassed. but things change. my mom and dad did not understand what to do with me when i was first put in therapy. my dad believed it was all for attention, my mom thought it was her fault, and neither of them were ready to handle my self harm, my suicidal thoughts, or my chronic insomnia. five years later, i got off the phone after telling my mom what i'd been thinking about. she knew what to do. "i love you, we will get through this. you have me, your dad, your counsellor, your therapist. we are here to support you. you're going to be okay. i know you want to live." things get better around you even if you haven't finished healing. yesterday, on my way home from a horrible day at school, i was so in my head, caught up in suicidal ideations, dissociated and floating above myself, and i was in a minor car accident. my parents could have been so angry at me, but they weren't, and they hugged me and told me they are glad i was alive and intact. today, i am home, taking a mental health day. i am 18 and i have all of the problems i had when i was 13. but, i don't. i have been clean from self harm for three years. my mother and father, who i hated four years ago, are my biggest supporters, and my mom is my best friend. i am on medications, i see a psychologist, and my school counsellor is always ready to pick me up and keep me going. i have friends who really do get me. i have teachers who know my situation and give me space to get my work done at my own pace. people are looking out for me, including me. i am getting better. right now, my face is covered in scabs from picking, thanks to my anxiety. i stayed in bed until noon because of my depression. but i am not alone, and i am not done fighting. to everyone who is in the thick of it like i am, this is your reminder to keep going. our battles are not over yet. keep your head up.

  8. please lovely people can you answer this questionnaire? its about anxiety, for a school project. it would mean so much to me. thank you<3 https://goo.gl/forms/uDang4ccSMu4KvUH2

  9. thank you for sharing this message! mental health affects older populations as well, and I tried to capture the story of mental health from a man's perspective https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0nuZnSr65U

  10. People imagine social stigma stereotypes that aren’t true I’m 42 at 40 I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia I never heard voices never saw visions hallucinations I just thought I was being spied on in my house & people were following me when they weren’t I imagined famous people were gossiping about me when they weren’t I’m now on medication & realise that’s not how it is that I’ve been paranoid with the help of the medication I’m not paranoid at all anymore

  11. i suffer from mental health i made this video, i write poems as an outlet, this is the first time i have every made a video for it, please share if you like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYRqpfbrGUQ

  12. Really relatable and relevant video. I recommend you guys in my clinical practice all the time so keep up the good work.

    I'm starting a new mental health channel designed to try and inform and educate about mental health conditions and psychiatry. It's early days but please have a look and see what you think 🙂

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