Hey everybody. Today’s topic is something that I have heard from many of you that you struggle with. And that is isolation.
So stay tuned. So like I said, today I want to talk about isolation. And I honestly believe that more than ever we struggle with this because of online and social media. Because it can give us the false sense that we are actually interacting with other people face to face and person to person, when in reality, it’s through online. And some people aren’t always honest, we don’t always know who these people are. And it leaves us really wanting that person to person contact. And I have heard from many of you that this is something that you struggle with. And due to our anxiety, often times in our depression, it’s easier to stay at home than it is to go out and interact in the real world and get out of the house and do things,
and be in social situations. So if we find ourselves there.
What do we do? And to be truthful, the number one thing that we find to be most benificial is CBT therapy. And I know that many of you are thinking
‘But Kati, I can’t even get out of the house, I don’t want to see a therapist, that’s really awkward.’ And if that’s not something that’s available to you, the best thing that we can do when we are really struggling with what I always say with my clients feels like this big issue, this huge heavy rock of ‘Ahh, I don’t know where to go’. Is we have to start small. We have to start with little incremental changes. So maybe we walk out to get our mail in the day light,
we don’t wait to night. Maybe we walk around the block one day,
maybe we walk out and we walk back. It depends on your level of comfortability,
and what you are okay doing. We have to set small goals. And I would encourage you to do it three days a week. Whatever kind of goal you are setting,
try to do it three days a week. We don’t want to say seven days a week, because that’s kind of that black or white thinking, the all or nothing. And we end up feeling worse about ourselves when we can’t achieve that goal that we’ve set. Does that make sense? So get out your journal and write some things down. What are the things that you are the most afraid of?
What would be like a global goal, a big goal? Like I want to go to my cousin’s birthday with my whole family there. That might be a big goal. And what are your small goals? I want to go to the grocery store, I want to go to the post office, I want to go shopping, I want to, whatever it is. I want to go get coffee for myself in the morning sometimes, walk down to Starbucks, or whatever. Set different goals. Set all of those different goals on the side, on one side of the paper. And then I want you to set some smaller goals on the other side. And start with the smallest, what you think would be, wouldn’t increase your anxiety more than, let’s say that your anxiety is at a four, it doesn’t push you to more than a six. And be aware. We have to start checking in, right. As part of this we are going to have to check in with our own anxiety. Because I don’t want you pushing yourself to more a ten where you might have a panic attack or you just feel overwhelmed. We have to start small, we have to check in. And we can always abort the mission, right. We can always go home. We can retreat. We don’t have to stay anywhere that we don’t want to. So keep that in mind. So let’s start setting some goals. And leave your comments below, I want you to let me know what you’ve done to help yourself branch out. Is it going for coffee with one of your oldest friends? Is it going out to get the mail? Is it something as big as attending a reunion? Or a big family get together? What is it?
What are things that we can do? Maybe we have lunch with our mom or our grandma. We need to start setting these goals, because the reason that we end up staying in dark places for a really long time is because we don’t know where to go. And everything seems overwhelming. But if we break it down into small achievable goals, we will start to feel better about ourselves. Every time we check a box that we have done something,
we feel more accomplished, and we can keep going. So keep working with me. Keep sharing your tips and tools. And if you want more information and more videos on this let me know right. And we will keep working together sharing our stories and our experiences, as we work as a community towards a healthy mind and a healthy body. Subtitles by the Amara.org community

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Methew Wade

100 thoughts on “How to deal with Isolation – mental Health Help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton”

  1. Thanks for your videos, I really aporeciate them. I have a question. I'm now 54 and have been a loner or rather avoidant with regard to making friends & also dating for probably 20 years. It's not only becauae my fear of rejection, feeling inadequate & suspect people don't get me etc… but also because my depression, moodiness. The depression & moodiness make me a not-so-great kind of friend (I do always take meds & they work sometimes). I'm not so reliable to consistently "be there" as a stable friend reliably. I know I'll let someone down & I'll feel so horrible & guilty about it. It makes me even more hesitant to make friends. I feel a bit unworthy & perhaps it's inappropriate for me to try & make friends till I can commit to being a good friend. I guess it's a bit of a defeatist attitude? Do you have any advice about this topic/problem?

  2. Hej Katie! I've struggled with isolation for a really long period of time, due to PTSD and severe dissociation. Since I've moved out and onto my own I pick a weekend to go and relax at my local tea bar. I also prioritise concerts.

  3. All I have is the internet. I am completely alone. I am surrounded by narcs and people who don't invite me anywhere. I got sick of always inviting them, planning things etc. Anyway I am in therapy now….

  4. When i was really depressed I started with a small goal, that I would take a shower every other day. If I was showered I could get out and face the world. That enabled me to get out. My next goal was to give up sugar, then exercise. It enabled me to lose 70 lbs. It all started with a small goal.

  5. Yes, I have to say the internet access is a comfort zone most of the time, I just see it as getting to know people as they are through text message scenarios and nothing more, I find that isolation is self cautious of people in the outside world, it's not a motivation either way for I'm just used to staying home in the same old same old as most would word it! See the antisocial personality disorder and depression anxiety attack issues are non refundable security blankets rather wait until I'm sure that everything is okay before venturing into the unknown!

  6. My mom is an agoraphobic and my little brother is almost done with his psychology education, so I told him about CBT and he just shot it down saying it doesn't help it makes things were. It sounds logical to me (what your saying that is) that's why I told him about it. Do you think I am right do you think CBT would be good for an agoraphobic?

  7. How do you escape when your so isolated surrounded by cornfields in the middle of nowhere? How do you get out of a hole so deep that in this isolation you fucked up an lost your driving privilege years ago to even help yourself get out of isolation with no options to help you out, not to mention 3 years of every other 20-30 day of going to jail because I smoke weed being placed into a segregated cell. When all your friends are addicted to heroin that you freak out on them an you become hated. everyday i think about grabbing this thick as fuck rope i got in the garage an tossing it over an oak tree knowing it'd take atleast a week in a half for someone to even realize it happened, i could use a hug, maybe conversation that i know i'll not get, an reading an typing on the internet that hardly works half the time just curves it down even deeper, the only happiness i receive is the idea that time doesn't last forever an the pain will cease eventually forever.

  8. The best thing I ever did was get a dog. I walk her because I don't have a fenced-in yard. This helps so much mentally because of the sunlight, the nonstressful exercise, and talking to people. It's a joy. Especially because I have a pug – they are so lazy. They want to sleep and lie around and only need one or two long walks a day. That is my style too! And they hate bad weather – hey, me too! So we just dash out and back in when it's raining or snowing.

  9. i only leave my room on night once or twice a week to get the groceries. i dont talk with any one in person or phone specially people i know or friends. it is been like this for two mounth. the only thing i have is the internet and video games.

  10. try living in isolation against your will , where you must beg like a dog just to get to the store then worry how you will pay your bills or make it to your appointments where no one actually helps you to better yourself while having many lie to you saying they did it on there own . knowing they are full of crap . you can't hand out advice when you are not actually helping. a person in need .

  11. this is fine and all for people who are socially isolated, I'm socially and physically isolated. I live an hour away from civilization so… halp

  12. I live in a new town and I'm realizing its a lot harder to find friends without school or a different communal place to go (that you have to go). When its up to me, I tend to stay in my apartment all day. I've recently tried to push myself, though, because its developed into a depression and actually contributes to my anxiety. I pushed myself to go sunbath today by my apartment pool and start yoga classes down the street. Its hard and very scary starting conversations with others, I deff get down on myself when I "fail" at the conversation (in my eyes) but I feel more confident and self sufficient. I don't only rely on my boyfriend and family as a social outlet and that feels nice. I'm not exactly what I do to push myself. I guess I kinda just say "just go" and push through the uncomfortable feelings. I have a tendency to push myself which can be good and bad. Good in this instance.

  13. I find your advice taking small incremental steps to go out helpful and enlightening. Your energy and enthusiasm is infectious. Thanks for sharing.

  14. What do you call the disorder of isolating? I need to explain to my psychiatrist but don't know how or if I'm dealing in tithe right place, don't know where to turn and desperate

  15. I am a socially isolated human being and I'm 21. I could've gotten outside, socialize and be a normal 21 year old but I'm not. Not to say I ain't normal but it feels like I'm not. It gets annoying and I feel a bit of loneliness after I come from work because I know someone isn't at home waiting for me. Friday and Saturday nights, I feel lonely the most because I don't have friends to go out with. I don't care for a girl to come home to and I want friends to go out with. Does life sucks without friends or am I conditioned as a male to not care for them? I am a human being, I don't care if I'm a man or a woman.

  16. I've been extremely socially isolated (like almost no human interaction) and lonely for the past 6 months or so now, and it's probably the worst it's ever been. I know I need to get help, but don't know what to do.

  17. In my case, I am not depressed or anything, I can handle being alone pretty well. But after a week or 3, I begin to feel the isolation but rather just from my biological/psychological perspective, because it is a basic human need to connect. But it is very easy to just say I don't wanna get outside, because it feels like waste of time. Strange isn't it. I'm going to have to stay in this small town for about a year and I'm starting to get worried about filling this year with things and people.

  18. Right now, I am working on being patient and present throughout my life circumstances. I like to think that I am mostly extroverted and pretty outgoing. I had a lot of friends in my middle school, but I eventually started to feel depressed and got on meds and then started to isolate myself. I was bullied and felt a lot of disappointment, hurt, and rejection when I was in high school. I ended up not being assigned with a roommate in college, and I felt even pretty alone. I wasn't as isolated in college as I was in college, but again, college was another experience of feeling deflated expectations. My college was very small, and there wasn't a lot of activities. I've been a college grad for almost a year. Sometimes I work crazy hours at work and feel so sucked into my job, but my therapist encouraged me to make time for people. So I joined a community group that some of my college grads started, a Bible study, and a church. I try to go to each event every week. Even if I don't know anyone, I try to be present and listen to conversations. I try to stay for at least an hour. Through my community group, someone invited me to their Bible Study. And sometimes I talk to people throughout the week. It's all a process, but that's what worked for me. All it took was open expectations and being present.

  19. How come when ever I look at food I think gross I can’t eat that that must have a million calories in it will make me gain weight I can’t eat that I just don’t ever have an appetite how come???

  20. When my back went out about 15 years ago, that was a time I can pinpoint and watch friends slowly dropping off. It wasn't always my back, but also my financial situation and topping it off with a slew of mental health disorders. Chronic pain and evolving conditions (physical) have not done me any favors. It starts out with people inviting me here or there and I either can't go because I'm broke, hurting, or depressed. Slowly, the invites stopped coming. At least I had work for social interaction. Now, I am on disability. I own a home which allows me to have my pets (which are lifesavers), but I only leave the house maybe 2-3 times a month, usually for doctor visits or groceries. Yesterday was the first time I've left in about 3 weeks. I had to go borrow money from a friend to pay a bill. My gas light came on heading home. See, I like to go out and have fun and socialize, but now poverty is really kicking my ass. I don't even have gas most of the time. I had a couple friends that would pick me up and we'd go hiking, walking, etc. I have a huge tendency to become out of sight out of mind when they find a partner. They might think it's "just walking", but to me it's a sense of normalcy, sanity. I've tried explaining, but they still choose the guys. I'll get a "like" or a short convo on social media. I've been on online dating for far too many years. I know I am so much more negative and pessimistic towards a lot of people. I try my hardest to refresh myself and refocus. I mean, I am pretty much a 39 yr old shut-in. How can you fix that? Winter is not helping matters at the moment. My neighbors might text or call but it's more of a joking manner – "you ever gonna leave that house?". It hurts. And honestly, my house costs about the same as an apartment and being able to have my pets and have something that's mine is about the only positive thing about it. Garden therapy helps, but it hurts me alot, but it's rewarding in the end. Sorry this is a novella!

  21. Isolation has really taken its toll on me. It’s been this way all my life. Having a mom/sister that doesn’t see you as competition to destroy is foreign to me. Whenever I do attempt to make friends, I’m never accepted. All I can do is go to my writing groups once a week.

  22. I joined several groups and courses in my life where I met hundreds of people, I got acquainted with many, but none of them has ever become a friend.

  23. Actually, it's the world that makes people isolated from society. Think about friendships. THEY ARE BASED ON MONEY. Whenever my friends get together, the only thing that is always in question is money. They spend like crazy. They drink a cup of coffee, for example, which they could drink for quarter amount of its money. But they just choose the costly way. What if I don't want to squander away money? Now that makes you isolated. Choosing the right way almost always ends up in isolation from society. That's the bitter truth. I restrained the subject to friendships of the time, which depend on money, but there is much more to it. Not only friendships.

  24. You're a very positive person Kati, keep sharing that around and getting those kind words out to everyone who needs it. 🙂

  25. Go for a walk, after work or during? Some of us don't live on parents couch anymore and we aren't all unemployed. Family? What's that?

  26. One of the thing its helping me is…..when we understand how isolation is making our life miserable, we start changing ourselves. When we isolate ourselves from society, it feels all people are bad and negative but if you waana change your life or want to be happy then you have to see people positively. Isolation is very dangerous….dont do it!!!

  27. Thx but this type of isolation isn't min n my isolation is it doesn't matter of whom I'm with i feel alone i feel that I'm alone in this cold earth I'm losing my Emotion i feel as if I'm dead inside and it dose not matter off I'm in a crowed of a million people i feel like there's no poke even if I'm talking to them or vice versa

  28. well people are mean in the world . so mabe thats why. people isolate. it wasnt like this 50 years ago .

  29. I don't deal with isolation or depression due to social media rather I was shunned by my family, lost my wife and daughter all within the last 5 years….

  30. Been alone for 13 years and have been suicidal for as long as i can reacll, meds made it better but now there loosing their effectiveness.

  31. I'm isolated because I deal with extreme general and social anxiety and I want to get out but it's super hard for me to leave my home without freaking out

  32. I want to stay home and never go anywhere or see anyone. I guess the "what you want" approach may not work with this.

    Friends? What are those? I haven't used social networking for four years. I have social anxiety and Asperger's. I never learned how to make friends.

    So I just stay home.

  33. I am trying to host a new Air BNB experience a few days a week on guided meditation and work towards finding people who celebrate me rather than tolerate me.

  34. this wasn't helpful at all because this doesnt help with the coping aspect and also assumes we cant get out of the house because of anxiety. this was pretty bad advice, no offense. can you remake this video kati?

  35. Hmm, well this video is operating under the assumption that the individual doesn't get out much. What about those of us that do but have no idea how to engage with/talk to others once we do? I'm mildly autistic and struggled with this most of my life.

  36. I get panic attacks.. everywhere at the grocery store in a car in a free way.. I just want to be free of it and not worry about it anymore. I want to stop being isolated in my room every day.

  37. I like to walk around, see things & people, also seeing department stores without having to shop for it. Also walking towards Barnes & Noble to see different books, magazines, stationaries again without having to buy nothing. That helps me a lot to get out of my head.

  38. Lol, regardless of the solitary confinement, other types of solitude is actually good for you. Even if it's too much, its still doesn't have a negative impact on your mental health. If you want to go outside, try live in nature where there's no human, and you can do whatever you want in your solitary life.

  39. I think my problem is fear of rejection and social anxiety. I can't even talk to girls on dating apps, even when they initiate first contact, because the thought of having them think I'm strange or god forbid going out on a date with them and finding me awkward almost paralyses me. I'm so fed up of having this mindset, do you think CBT would be a good way to go?

  40. what shallow advices. if i go out with friends or to familie events i feel more alone than if i stay at home. i can challenge myself to do stuff like adviced, doesnt mean i will feel better.

  41. I joined a workshop last week. I already know about the workshop i just wanted to meet new people. I didn't really interact well but i am glad i did attend and not bail out

  42. What do you do if you have no opportunities for social situations. Like I want to met people but I don’t know where or how for friends and dating and know the difference

  43. I am a person who prefers to stay home. I have my cat , internet and tv for entertainment. I am alone , most of my day. I read it is not very healthy, but for me , it's reality. I meet people who are worse off than me. They smoke , drink alcohol , and live a life, they can't see further than their nose. Threw Christ , I keep myself alchol and drug free. I don't even smoke cigarettes , no more. I believe. I'm in this world, but not of this world. Comment on what you think of this life style. Thanks. Danny💌

  44. I am lonely for 4 years from age 14-18 even at home. I am also bullied and I have to see downfall in my family and life and now I'm almost 19 and I still only see filths and misery in my life no matter how hard I try to reach hope, love, peace, positivity, and constructive advancement. This sucks a lot and I want to break free from this strangling shit once and for all and I want my life to always go uphill from now on.

  45. Those filthy humans….

    They fooled me…
    They deceived me…
    They insulted me…
    They manipulated me…
    They blamed me for their own well-deserved problems…
    They ditched me…
    They faked their kindness but they are just coldhearted bitches…

  46. I do not have money to sit in coffee shops. I have a dog l go out to the park with people say hello but that's it. Most people I know are just TOO BUSY. I have no money to join clubs and meet up groups or to travel to them with. This is a long term on going problem.

  47. I've tried all the advice I can implement and nothing. I have abusive family, so no good relationship there, and I've never had a friend or partner. I've been trying since I was about 17 and am almost 28 now, I'm pretty ready to kill myself over this. I keep being told things get better, but they've just stayed the same no matter what effort I put in and it keeps getting worse really because it feels worse. I can't even do certain forms of self care anymore because it actually makes me feel worse about myself due to the lifetime of isolation. I'm still just trying to distract myself with hobbies, but I just want some company. 🙁

  48. Thank you very much for this information never heard this word before isolation I no what to do now with my daily life thanks again

  49. I've often found that going to the movies by myself is really encouraging. I mean I'm in a big room with other people enjoying a film. Sometimes I laugh at something and I'll get other people to laugh with me. And it feels like I'm a part of something. Another thing that's really nice is going to a public library and just reading a book or being on the computer and I'm technically by myself, however I'm surrounded by other people that are doing other things. And sometimes I'll even chat with a librarian and ask questions about stuff. There's always something you can do. And being alone isn't necessarily a negative thing in my opinion. It can be a very powerful and enlightening thing if you focus on the good. Rather than the negative aspects of it.😊🙏

  50. thank you for saying i can always just stop and go back home, i feel a lot of guilt about not being able to finish things and i have to constantly remind myself that starting, attempting in itself, it's progress too

  51. I have no idea if this channel still exists, but if it does, I guess I need some help. My girlfriend isolates herself (she's not drepressive, "just" isolates herself) and I'm getting anxiety over it. I'm so worried about her health, I mean, I love her and tell her that every day, but sometimes she doesn't even hears it and just keep isolation herself. I'm really sad about it, it does affects my mental health, but it should't, becayse I promised her I would deal with this kind of stuff and I really want to. I'm just overly emotioned about It, she's my first girlfriend and I love her so much. Someone, please, help me.

  52. I've been isolated basically whole my childhood. I have noticed real problems with my social skills.
    It was a bih thing when I went to a shop on my own in high school. I don't know how to be with people and struggle understanding what friendship means.

  53. I’m isolating myself to focus on myself until I am where I want to be I don’t want friends it may seem militant but I’m just in a season where I need to find my own way I wish I had friends but I don’t.. I attract ppl to me I’m just not good at keeping friends. I’ve had friends in hs & was very popular now my life is kind of in isolation mode idk how to break out it.

    I live in a neighborhood that is unsafe & the people are utter garbage I believe I should just go to college n stay in seclusion until my life makes sense

  54. Hi Kati, You know well about normal problems,and normal levels/ranges/amounts – could you refer the abnormal ones to someone who knows and speaks about them? Help…! Thanks

  55. I've been isolated for 2 years and it never really bothered me, but now it starts to feel like I just lack potency. I wanna get out of here from today.

  56. I wish i had access to proper therapy and outpatient help. NZ sux at mental health and i had to fight hard just to get a lousy 1 hour apointment every other week. No funding where i live , its basically heres your meds and nothing else. I envy these people who get outpatient help and therapy. I have big depression and anxiety issues. I just wanna run away to another country and start all over again.

  57. Bipolar and I have to isolate myself in order to hide my mental condition.
    My job and social life are structured around keeping myself quarantine from other as much as possible.
    If I allow society to know about my mental illnesses. Then all of the doors will be slammed in my face.
    Welcome to America! Where the choice is to shut up about your mental illness or end up sleeping in the streets.
    If your employer finds out that you’re seeing a psychologist then you will be fired!

  58. I don't trust anyone. The world has become densely populated with very advanced technology, so the world has become very selfish. We are different from previous generations

  59. Being alone leads me to drinking are smoking pot . i have extreme social anxiety . i go into panic attacks everytime im around people. I want to feel normal again. But im 28 now and the last time i felt truley normal is when i was lile 14 years old. So ive literally spent half my life on this crap. I feel like people are mean to me everywere i go. I dont know what to do i dont wanna go out like this.

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